The results are in. It seems that us humans are more attracted to bad news than good news. Look no further than national news bulletins on the tele every night. So in a world of 4X4 that I absolutely love, I’ve managed to somehow dredge up the Top 10 Things I Hate About Four-Wheel Driving.
The Know-It All
There is a definite sense of pride and achievement when you complete a major trek like the Canning, the Cape or a Simpson Desert Crossing. But some people take this badge of honour, and try and make these tracks sound like an Everest-like achievement. And for the uninitiated, they’re not. One such trip leader in the Simpson Desert was heard to be demeaning a young lady over the CB radio, saying: “You must know your exact location at all times! State your exact GPS location!” Again, it’s good to know where you are, but not cool to preach to other travellers. The CB chatter after the track preacher was awesome: “Looks like we’ve got a Whisky Alpha Nina Kilo Echo Rodger on the track!”
The Sand Driving Slice Shot
You know those shots in magazines when the 4X4 is driving at 100 miles per hour and then hooks a sharp turn, creating a wave of sand that envelops the vehicle? Look at any publication from Distress Publications and you’ll see it, guaranteed. At first glance, these images look cool. Yet activate the brain, and they’re really not. First, they send the wrong message – four-wheel drivers are here to see the scenery, not to tear it up. And secondly, soft sand requires low tyre pressures. So low tyre pressures and sharp turns equate to tyres tearing away from the bead. Believe me, I’ve tried this in my younger days, and the number of beads off rims was all-too common.
The Fake Articulation Shot
Still on magazines, I was always amazed at how some publications would always feign a suspension articulation shot by parking the 4WD across the nearest drain. Really guys, aren’t there any 4X4 tracks nearby? Running a close second to this, is the “Merrily Driving Through Salt Water at the Beach” shot that you see on countless TV ads. Really, a great way to accelerate that rust process…
Campaigners for Track Preservation, Who Don’t Practice What they Preach
I’m all for keeping 4X4 tracks open right across Australia. But all too often, the very people (and I’m talking some very high profile ones) are those that tear the tracks up themselves. Taking goofy track churning shots, encouraging others on video’s to ‘give it some’ and then claiming some nonsensical ‘birthright’ to tracks staying open. Newsflash team – tracks staying open is a privilege, not a birthright. Perhaps if you treated track access as a privilege and not a birthright, we might go some way towards keeping more tracks open. And yes John, I’m talking to you.
Access to Aboriginal Communities
The freedom we experience as four-wheel drivers is quite awesome. So when you go to places like Karumba, Borroloola, Bloomfield and Warburton, and see big signs saying ‘Closed Community, No Access’, you scratch your head. Some of these places have shops, full community services, but as an outsider, you are not allowed in. Now to not be allowed onto someone else’s property, that’s fine. But when that property is a whole community, an entire town, that to me is un-Australian. Imagine the uproar if we put gates around our own suburbs and said: “White People Only”. But that’s precisely what is happening here, only in reverse. If you’re not of this skin colour, then you’re not welcome. Believe me, I’ve tried entering these communities on a few occasions, and have been hurriedly moved on by either the police, or the CEO of the community.
Cost of Breakages
Getting into tricky locations can sometimes lead to damage. Whether it’s a smashed back window from a rock reflected off a camper-trailer, or a busted tail light as you accidentally backed into a tree. Spare parts aren’t cheap, and it finding second-hand spares is even tougher. There is no reliable online database for used spare parts, which would save us all a bucket load of coin. One of my crew nailed a taillight of a Navara down in Tassie, and it cost me $450. And I’m certain there are more expensive taillights than that out there on the market.
Food Wastage
This is a personal problem of mine, but perhaps I’m not alone. Do you tend to shop for every day and night of the trip, every single meal, only to dine out more than planned? In the process, bringing back bucket loads of food? That’s me, to a tee.
Track Closures
thank the almighty upstairs that we have a rather large continent, because the number of track closures over the past decade is staggering. And pinning those track closures on bad behaviour is a thinly veiled excuse. If someone misbehaves in a city, do we close that street down? No, we pop up cameras and try to catch them. But in the bush, the knee-jerk reaction is to punish everyone by locking the gates, and simply closing out the bush-loving majority. The authorities often claim that installing camera’s is too expensive, but in my eyes, a $400 infrared camera is a damn sight cheaper than bringing in earthmoving equipment to fix up a damaged track. Try $400 an hour…
Blatant Product Copies
We all benefit from the flow-down of technology over time – think variable valve timing, fuel-injection and even coil spring suspension back in the eighties. But simply jumping on Ali-Baba and saying “copy me one of these” not only lacks ethics, but it also lacks originality. Why not try and one-up the original, and build something even better?
Fear & Misinformation
Pick up the wrong 4X4 print magazine, and you’ll feel that to drive Cape York, you’ll need 35-inch muddies, a six inch lift, twin-lockers and eleventeen cases of XXXX Gold. You don’t. In fact, that six-inch lift will make your vehicle unstable, and will be far less reliable than a mild 2-inch lift. Much more than a 3-inch lift will cause the geometry of your suspension to get out of whack, and will put excessive strain on locating arms like panhard rods. And those big tyres will make your vehicle less efficient, and will cause the low range gearing to suffer a whole lot. Oh, and did I mention you’ll need an expensive Engineer’s Certificate to drive the rig legally? Believe me, because I’ve owned the very vehicle I’m talking about…
